Oops, Made that mistake on purpose!

Selfie of Joe Apfelbaum at EO New York

“Everyone around me is winning but me! What is wrong with me? Why am I always left holding the bag?” He had dark circles around his eyes. He was down on himself. “I used to be happy, I don’t know what happened to me. I feel like after making so many mistakes in my life, I just can’t handle doing this anymore. It’s hopeless.”

I looked at him with compassion and asked him “What happened? What changed?” He said that people got greedy and now he is left with nothing. Because he has nothing, he can’t do anything and he has become a nobody.

“Are you telling me that if you had all the right things, you would do the right thing and become the right kind of person?” He looks at me and with full confidence says “You got it! if only I had it made like most people that take advantage of me, I would be able to help myself and others and I would be happy and successful.”

I looked at him and smiled. “You know, I used to think that way too. I found that the more excuses I made and pushed the responsibility away the harder it was for me to have what I want. I found that when I embraced my mistakes, when I failed with purpose, the universe sent me the energy to stand back up again. Its really crazy to fail on purpose, why would you fail if you can simply succeed. Many of us don’t realize that we must fail with purpose, not on purpose. We must take our failures and attach a purpose to them so that the mistake don’t take power from us, instead failure can give us power.”

He responds “Seems like a difficult if not an impossible task. How can a person that was robbed of hundreds of thousands of dollars and is constantly being taken advantage of find a good reason for that?”

“Difficult it is, impossible only if you let it be.” I continued. “I found that for me, when I was about to have a new stage in my life unlocked, there was a challenge that tested me first to see if I can accept this new stage, if I was ready for it. If you can’t handle losing hundreds of thousands, how can you handle making millions? After all you might lose it?! What will become of you then? Maybe by adding a purpose to these incidents and instead of asking, how can a person… you ask “What is great about this!” One of the greatest things I learned in recent years is that when we get the right answer to the wrong question we may of won the battle but we lost the war. We need to ask the right questions, the answers will appear, once the right questions are asked. Our job is not to find answers but to find questions. Change what you ask, who you ask them to, and find yourself.”

He said, “Look, all this sounds good but I need something actionable. Tell me three things I can do tomorrow to get me mojovated!”

Here are three things that might help you if you take them seriously.

  1. Your body will define your mood. If you are not exercising, eating right, sleeping enough and drinking half your weight in ounces, you will not be in a good mood. Its that simple, you need to be in the right state to have the opportunity to be mojovated. You can’t take a car, give it dirty oil and bad gas, have a broken transmission and a bad battery and expect to win the race. You need to create a few habits that will get your body in a good place.
  2. You become your thoughts. Having a great body and being in a good mood is not enough, you need to also have a sharp mind. You need to learn and grow. You will keep having the same thoughts unless you read, write, listen and take learning seriously. Get smart and stop spending time with people who are wasting their mind. Change your conversations and change your thoughts so you can improve your character.
  3. Help other people who need what you need. The fastest way to get what you want is to give it to others. Want love? Love others, Want money? Help others make money. Want happiness, go out and make others happy. It’s a weird phenomenon, I won’t explain it because it doesn’t make sense. The more I help others get what they need, the faster, I get what I need. Stop worrying about how much you get and start concerning yourself with how much you can give.

Take your body, mind and the gift of giving seriously and you will become the person you need to be, do the things you need to do and ultimately have everything you desire.

Does any of this resonate with you? What would you of told him? Feel free to share your ideas and thoughts with me, would love to hear from you on Twitter @joeapfelbaum

Joe Apfelbaum
Ajax Union